How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
