Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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