the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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