I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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