I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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