I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
