Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
