In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
