If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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