Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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