i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize