I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
