Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
