He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I party with great urgency now.
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