god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
