Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
