she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
