how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
