yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
