That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
