wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
