I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize