there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
