im about as happy as oj after his trial
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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