I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
