My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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