I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
