so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
