We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
