I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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