He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
