Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize