i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
