My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
