im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
