if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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