I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
