I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
