i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
