you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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