i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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