This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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