do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
