from now on my penis is your penis
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
