What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
