so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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