You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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