my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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