I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
