I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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