There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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