My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
