I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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