Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
