it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
