I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
