I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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