You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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