why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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