Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
