the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They took my balls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
