K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
