hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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