Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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