i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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