All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm having to shit out rocks
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