you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
