Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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