i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
