dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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