What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
