i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
