i think i have two assholes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
